Are You Going....To...San Francisco....

Greetings and Salutations from the West,
--This isn't my usual format for this blog. It is usually goal/task oriented. I'll get back to that. Today (7/01), this is what came out when I sat down. I made a conscious decision not stifle these thoughts. I have lots goals/tasks to do and funny stories of a life in the day of living in San Francisco. Those are to come. I hope this is a bridge to bring you from where I was to where I am. Oh what a difference 3,000 miles and the second most densely populated major city in the US can make!

     Hi. I know I know. I've been a bad girl not blogging but for what it is worth, I have been a busy girl trying to get integrated into my new life and that has taken a hot minute! Writing has been on my mind every day because let me tell you one thing--There are about a million things to blog about out here in the b-e-a-utiful  and crazy city of San Francisco and all that it entails. I keep saying tomorrow, tomorrow. I'll write tomorrow. Again I am reminded that lesson #1-- Start from where you are and work from there.
     So I will start from where I am and see what else comes out. I'm in San Francisco. I lived here before, I think 2008 was the last time in the City. I have lots of experience out here. And I say that to say big deal and WOW. How different things look when you are here to live and not just vacation on a travel assignment!
     I will be quick to admit that I thought this major move was gonna be a S-N-A-P. What crack was I smoking? (and BTW I don't smoke crack--its whack LOL) But I can also say thank goodness I didn't know how much I would struggle in the beginning because to change my mind, still at this moment not knowing how it will all work out, would be a life experience wasted.
     Each day I am feeling better and better. I am slowly creating a life out here for myself. I think this move has brought up alot of grief issues with my mom. I can't tell her about the crazy ass things I see out here. I can't hear her say "Heather get you butt back to Charleston where you belong" LOL and then tell me how much she supports me and my decisions.
     Most of all I can't hear her say how proud of me she is and my tenacity to follow my dreams no matter how isolated, scared, and unsure I am. That she loves me and believes in me. Never underestimate the power of those words "I'm proud of you" and tell them to your kids OFTEN. Tell your loved ones and friends. It does amazing things mentally. But especially from a parent. It can't be replaced when lost.
     Basically everything I own is still back in Charleston in a POD. I want to get things flowing out here (money) and get rid of some debt before I tackle that part of the journey. And let me tell you this is a journey. I have been happy and excited. I have had Zen moments. I have also cried a ton. I have been depressed enough to not leave my apartment for days. And I have waited patiently (not really but it sounds good LOL) for the tides to change and for me to feel better.
     The tides are changing and I feel better. And it is building. Its headed in a great direction as it has been, but I am beginning to trust it. Trust my dreams. Trust in myself on a deeper level. Trust the journey. There are still lots of unknowns, but I am tackling each one to the best of my ability.
     About 2 weeks ago I worked myself up into such a lather (not of all my own doing-- I had an outside contribution) I basically white-knuckled it to the point of giving myself the vapors. The next day, when I came to my senses (and sobered up) I heard one word control. and then I understood--let go. I believe that this is the lesson I'm supposed to learn thus far where I am at this stressful and transitional time in my life.
     What can I control? Me and my response to the situation at hand. Take the "List" and choose what I can do in THAT moment even if I should be doing something else. Try to my best ability to do what needs to be done, resolve it, and move on. Recognize the victories, not just the failures. Let it happen before I react as if it  (what ever "it" is) has already happened. Most of what we fear may happen doesn't. I know this, buts it difficult to live by every day. And if I can't get it done. If my stress level is too high, wait it out. Be on the look out for the moment the opportunity comes I can get back on track. That moment when I can catch my breath.
     And come back it will. Its the best part of life. Wait it out, work hard, show up, and don't give up. It will come around. You just have to be ready, open, and on the lookout for it to happen.

Tootles :)
Heather